1.  A simple friend identifies himself when s/he  calls.  A real friend doesn't have to.
  2. A simple friend opens a conversation with  a full news bulletin on his/her life. A real friend  says, "What's new with you?"
  3. A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent.  A real friend says, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years.  Get off your duff and do something about it."
  4. A simple friend has never seen you cry.  A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
  5. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.  A real friend has their phone numbers in his/her address book.
  6. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.  A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
  7. A simple friend hates it when you call after s/he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
  8. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
  9. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
  10. A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps him/herself.
  11. A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
  12. A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.  A real friend expects to always be there for you!
  13. A simple friend has your phone and/or e-mail address in his address book.  A real friend doesn't need to look it up.

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